It's just safer to wear waterproof mascara everyday ...

There was a time in life when I rarely wore waterproof mascara.


A) it is a bugger to get off without some lashes falling as casualties, and B) my lashes didn't come in contact w/water a lot. Then, it got to the point where I was wearing it almost every Sunday - as a safety measure - just in case I was feeling the Spirit and got teary or "verklempt".

Then, I started putting it on in case I got teary during one of the kids immunization appointments, or for school meetings, or Primary presidency meetings, or date nights, or any situation in which I might remotely be compelled to become emotional. Because usually, the tears follow. This came to include most Olympic events, General Conference, watching Harry Potter movies, etc.

Now, don't think I wear make-up everyday, because I don't. But when I'm going to be out in public as Mrs. and/or Sister Dansie, I usually do. And I try to look extra-nice for Chris as often as I can, because, well, he deserves it.

Anyway, today became one of those days, when I got a two-fer. I put on waterproof mascara because my 4-year old was getting 4 shots today at her check-up, and I knew there'd be weeping and wailing, and betrayal issues with her mama.

Then ....

I had a phone call earlier this evening from a dear friend who has been a constant in my life since October 2000. We have done mommy preschool together for 3 of our kids, chatted on neighboring treadmills and ellipticals at the YMCA, babysat each others' kids during obgyn appts (and the occasional emergency delivery!), verbal-therapied through park playdates, visiting teaching, Primary presidency meetings, fussed over school policies and Science Fair deadlines, etc., etc., etc. Our kids go to the same pediatric partnership! She has been a constant in my life for 12 years, almost exactly. And tonight, I found out that they are moving. Out of our stake, out of our schools, and out of our lives.

If I sound a bit fatalistic, well, I come by that almost genetically. And, I have a little bit of life experience to back up my take on how this is going to play out.

When we moved into our current home 4 years ago, we moved out of our ward boundaries (still the same stake, even same building!) by a whopping 200 yards. I kid you not. But we rarely encountered our old ward family & friends on a regular basis after that. People we'd seen at least weekly, if not 2-3 times a week, became rare, happenstance encounters.

Now, before I wallow, let me say, I am very excited for this friend and her family. This is a *much* deserved, timely, miraculous blessing for their family. It was not easily nor lightly come by.

Perhaps, what I'm feeling is more a result of cumulative loss and change. We've had a small but continuous exodus of "good folks" in our lives and in our ward move on over the last handful of years. Each change brings a sense of loss, followed by wistful wishes of wanting change for us, and then we re-center ourselves, counting our many blessings. And then one more family/person goes, and we're jarred again, thinking, "Well, this stinks. Why do we have to stay here? ... DO we have to stay here? ... Why ARE we still here?"

Then come the enigma discussions: how much of life is agency? how much is the will of God? how much is laziness & complacency? how much is faith and contentedness? how much is drowning in the busy-ness so you don't do differently? how much is fear?

Like many of you, we are so far from family, that our friends and our ward really become more central/integral to our daily lives than our blood relatives. And belive it or not, I am actually very slow to make friends - I'm kind of shy. And now that I'm older, I'm finding that there are fewer and fewer ladies in my life who are in the same chapter as me. I've become pretty isolated the last 4 years - somewhat by accident, somewhat by subconscious and conscious choice.

Anyway, now I'm rambling. I'd probably be complaining about change if it did come to us. And I know that some of you have experienced what I'd term "rude" change lately - the unexpected blow that sets life on its ear, and hearts on edge, and requires daily re-application of waterproof mascara (if the puffy eyes can take it - been there).

So, anyway. What a day. What a week. What a month. What a year.
Nothing is constant but change. (don't you HATE that?!?!?!)