Wednesday, September 19, 2012
It's just safer to wear waterproof mascara everyday ...
There was a time in life when I rarely wore waterproof mascara.
A) it is a bugger to get off without some lashes falling as casualties, and B) my lashes didn't come in contact w/water a lot. Then, it got to the point where I was wearing it almost every Sunday - as a safety measure - just in case I was feeling the Spirit and got teary or "verklempt".
Then, I started putting it on in case I got teary during one of the kids immunization appointments, or for school meetings, or Primary presidency meetings, or date nights, or any situation in which I might remotely be compelled to become emotional. Because usually, the tears follow. This came to include most Olympic events, General Conference, watching Harry Potter movies, etc.
Now, don't think I wear make-up everyday, because I don't. But when I'm going to be out in public as Mrs. and/or Sister Dansie, I usually do. And I try to look extra-nice for Chris as often as I can, because, well, he deserves it.
Anyway, today became one of those days, when I got a two-fer. I put on waterproof mascara because my 4-year old was getting 4 shots today at her check-up, and I knew there'd be weeping and wailing, and betrayal issues with her mama.
Then ....
I had a phone call earlier this evening from a dear friend who has been a constant in my life since October 2000. We have done mommy preschool together for 3 of our kids, chatted on neighboring treadmills and ellipticals at the YMCA, babysat each others' kids during obgyn appts (and the occasional emergency delivery!), verbal-therapied through park playdates, visiting teaching, Primary presidency meetings, fussed over school policies and Science Fair deadlines, etc., etc., etc. Our kids go to the same pediatric partnership! She has been a constant in my life for 12 years, almost exactly. And tonight, I found out that they are moving. Out of our stake, out of our schools, and out of our lives.
If I sound a bit fatalistic, well, I come by that almost genetically. And, I have a little bit of life experience to back up my take on how this is going to play out.
When we moved into our current home 4 years ago, we moved out of our ward boundaries (still the same stake, even same building!) by a whopping 200 yards. I kid you not. But we rarely encountered our old ward family & friends on a regular basis after that. People we'd seen at least weekly, if not 2-3 times a week, became rare, happenstance encounters.
Now, before I wallow, let me say, I am very excited for this friend and her family. This is a *much* deserved, timely, miraculous blessing for their family. It was not easily nor lightly come by.
Perhaps, what I'm feeling is more a result of cumulative loss and change. We've had a small but continuous exodus of "good folks" in our lives and in our ward move on over the last handful of years. Each change brings a sense of loss, followed by wistful wishes of wanting change for us, and then we re-center ourselves, counting our many blessings. And then one more family/person goes, and we're jarred again, thinking, "Well, this stinks. Why do we have to stay here? ... DO we have to stay here? ... Why ARE we still here?"
Then come the enigma discussions: how much of life is agency? how much is the will of God? how much is laziness & complacency? how much is faith and contentedness? how much is drowning in the busy-ness so you don't do differently? how much is fear?
Like many of you, we are so far from family, that our friends and our ward really become more central/integral to our daily lives than our blood relatives. And belive it or not, I am actually very slow to make friends - I'm kind of shy. And now that I'm older, I'm finding that there are fewer and fewer ladies in my life who are in the same chapter as me. I've become pretty isolated the last 4 years - somewhat by accident, somewhat by subconscious and conscious choice.
Anyway, now I'm rambling. I'd probably be complaining about change if it did come to us. And I know that some of you have experienced what I'd term "rude" change lately - the unexpected blow that sets life on its ear, and hearts on edge, and requires daily re-application of waterproof mascara (if the puffy eyes can take it - been there).
So, anyway. What a day. What a week. What a month. What a year.
Nothing is constant but change. (don't you HATE that?!?!?!)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The crack of the summertime whip
The pace in our home changes dramatically with the end of the school year - I'm no longer opening curtains and turning off fans, trying to lure my sleepy kids out of bed at 6:40 AM. There's no (barely) underlying frantic "hurry-hurry" mode for breakfast, teeth-brushing, bed-making and lunch packing, in order to get out the door by 7:30 AM. My nearly 3-year old daughter is allowed to sleep until she wants to - school pick-ups no longer require her to be yanked from peaceful afternoon napdom. Ballet and piano recitals are complete, and soccer season is over.
Everyone together now ... aaaaahhhhhhh! It's a zen moment.
Scout camp, swim lessons, neighborhood Kidz Kamp, and other outings lay before us. The challenge is, the hours inbetween - keeping them from turning into an un-ending marathon of Looney Tunes and other kiddie TV fare. We have daily chores, school bridge booklets, the YMCA, the library, and the community pool. We have a house full of Legos, puzzles, books, and toys, toys, toys. Still, I often feel like the ancient Egyptian taskmaster, cracking my whip and directing children (with the requisite foreboding glare) to "turn off the TV/computer/Wii", and do something. I've occasionally "suggested" that if they're that disinterested with their toys, that we pack them up and take them to the United Way donation truck (that often elicits a quick response). North Texas is just not a family-friendly place in the summer as far as the great outdoors are concerned.
To their notable credit, my children do get along, in spite of the reverse cabin fever of a Texas summer. Sometimes they play all together, sometimes they split off into random pairs, sometimes they seek a little solitude. The "big three" (agest 11, 9, and nearly 7) are very patient with their all-too-evidently terrible-2-year old sister. Still, I count my blessings - no teenage angst (yet), no slammed doors with "keep out" signs. Don't get me wrong! There is definitely dissent from time to time, and regular eye-rolling (try picking out music in the minivan that pleases all ages! Musical Mission Impossible! We rotate between Raffi, Harry Potter soundtracks, Backyardigans, Madagascar, Little Mermaid, Hap Palmer, classical ...)
One week of precious summer vacation has already come and gone - soon enough we'll be trolling the aisles of Walmart and Target for school supplies, new school shoes, and uniforms. I need to remember that though they are not necessarily easy days, these are nonetheless, days to embrace.
Everyone together now ... aaaaahhhhhhh! It's a zen moment.
Scout camp, swim lessons, neighborhood Kidz Kamp, and other outings lay before us. The challenge is, the hours inbetween - keeping them from turning into an un-ending marathon of Looney Tunes and other kiddie TV fare. We have daily chores, school bridge booklets, the YMCA, the library, and the community pool. We have a house full of Legos, puzzles, books, and toys, toys, toys. Still, I often feel like the ancient Egyptian taskmaster, cracking my whip and directing children (with the requisite foreboding glare) to "turn off the TV/computer/Wii", and do something. I've occasionally "suggested" that if they're that disinterested with their toys, that we pack them up and take them to the United Way donation truck (that often elicits a quick response). North Texas is just not a family-friendly place in the summer as far as the great outdoors are concerned.
To their notable credit, my children do get along, in spite of the reverse cabin fever of a Texas summer. Sometimes they play all together, sometimes they split off into random pairs, sometimes they seek a little solitude. The "big three" (agest 11, 9, and nearly 7) are very patient with their all-too-evidently terrible-2-year old sister. Still, I count my blessings - no teenage angst (yet), no slammed doors with "keep out" signs. Don't get me wrong! There is definitely dissent from time to time, and regular eye-rolling (try picking out music in the minivan that pleases all ages! Musical Mission Impossible! We rotate between Raffi, Harry Potter soundtracks, Backyardigans, Madagascar, Little Mermaid, Hap Palmer, classical ...)
One week of precious summer vacation has already come and gone - soon enough we'll be trolling the aisles of Walmart and Target for school supplies, new school shoes, and uniforms. I need to remember that though they are not necessarily easy days, these are nonetheless, days to embrace.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Blessings in disguise
This will be very short - school pick-up is in about 10 minutes.
I've decided to tack on to my last entry, but on the tangent of blessings in disguise. For instance. our ward RS is ending their monthly activity (a progressive e.g. travelling one) at our home tomorrow night. They'll gather here to eat desserts and chat before calling it a night.
This disguised blessings has prompted me to do some deep cleaning that I was in denial of (oh say, steam-cleaning carpets that have dirt & water marks from playing in the snow ... 3 months ago), re-arranging the decorations in my living room (Kirsten taught me to "shop my house", rather than spend more money), and begin the purging of junka-lunka that must be completed before the kids come home for summer. Somewhere along the way in running errands, I found a steal of a deal on a new comforter set for our master bedroom - I will confess we have the same set we received for our wedding 14 years ago. Oh the things we let slide ...
This disguised blessing repeats itself in varying forms whenever company is coming to stay from out-of-state, or when I host an event (bridal shower, etc). I am always thankful, for it truly kills two or more birds with the one proverbial stone, and leaves my home much more orderly, peaceful and clean.
On a side note, that deserves a big note, I think birthdays are blessings in disguise. Because of my friend Karin's birthday last week, I got to spend an awesome evening out with 10 gal pals that I just do not get to see enough of. Thanks for being the undercover agent and pulling off a superb surprise Girls Night Out, Michelle!
And for my last note, this blessing isn't so much a disguised one, as a sometimes forgotten one. I love the New Testament, particularly the original 4 gospels. I just finished re-reading Matthew through John - always the best pick-me-up and centering thing out there, to read the testimony of the original apostles, and read the words of Christ.
I've decided to tack on to my last entry, but on the tangent of blessings in disguise. For instance. our ward RS is ending their monthly activity (a progressive e.g. travelling one) at our home tomorrow night. They'll gather here to eat desserts and chat before calling it a night.
This disguised blessings has prompted me to do some deep cleaning that I was in denial of (oh say, steam-cleaning carpets that have dirt & water marks from playing in the snow ... 3 months ago), re-arranging the decorations in my living room (Kirsten taught me to "shop my house", rather than spend more money), and begin the purging of junka-lunka that must be completed before the kids come home for summer. Somewhere along the way in running errands, I found a steal of a deal on a new comforter set for our master bedroom - I will confess we have the same set we received for our wedding 14 years ago. Oh the things we let slide ...
This disguised blessing repeats itself in varying forms whenever company is coming to stay from out-of-state, or when I host an event (bridal shower, etc). I am always thankful, for it truly kills two or more birds with the one proverbial stone, and leaves my home much more orderly, peaceful and clean.
On a side note, that deserves a big note, I think birthdays are blessings in disguise. Because of my friend Karin's birthday last week, I got to spend an awesome evening out with 10 gal pals that I just do not get to see enough of. Thanks for being the undercover agent and pulling off a superb surprise Girls Night Out, Michelle!
And for my last note, this blessing isn't so much a disguised one, as a sometimes forgotten one. I love the New Testament, particularly the original 4 gospels. I just finished re-reading Matthew through John - always the best pick-me-up and centering thing out there, to read the testimony of the original apostles, and read the words of Christ.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Name them one by one ...
I was feeling pretty blue this morning when I woke up - too much to do, too little time, wah wah, woe is me. As I drove about on errands during the morning, I found my eyes directed to observe the plight of others, and realize how blessed I am, how thankful they would be for many blessings I take for granted. So, I'm a'countin'!
1. A heated car with a full tank of gas. I can go where I want/need to, when I want/need to, in comfort, and with music even.
2. My kids' minds and bodies are healthy and whole.
3. Health insurance - we have great doctors (and nurses who know us!) who almost always can squeeze us in when we need them. We may have a co-pay & deductible, but it's small potatoes compared to a full bill.
4. 24-hour pharmacies.
5. Kind drivers who let me into their lane rather than gunning it to block me out.
6. Mr. Mullini standing in the freezing cold to direct drop-off traffic at our school, all week long! He always has a kind smile for every child who walks by.
7. A washer and dryer in my house - I don't have to tote my laundry to a laundromat, or scrounge quarters, or tote a 2-year old with me. I get to stay in the comfort of my house, and do dozens of other tasks just waiting on the beeps and buzzers that tell me its time to to rotate or fold!
8. The computer and internet. Yesterday and today I searched for recipes, worked on church projects, got in touch with family, paid bills, worked on our tax return, wrote in my journal, weighed in on a city council issue, correlated with my Primary presidency, and heard snippets from the lives of dozens of friends. All in a matter of hours, all from my nice comfy leather office chair in my living room. Crazy amazing when you take 2 steps back and remember this didn't exist not so long ago.
9. Ross Dress-4-Less. This is the only way I can keep my family dressed in good quality, durable clothes on a single income budget ($70 jeans for $13! wahoo!)
10. General Conference report. Love, love, love my conference report. Nothing lifts my spirits and my perspective faster.
11. My husband. He is patient, helpful, kind, observant, diligent, willing, funny, and full of hope and faith. These are the attributes of true love.
12. Warm beds and hot showers. It's been frigid all week.
That's it for now. There's much, much more - including some of the obvious answers - but this is what stuck with me today.
1. A heated car with a full tank of gas. I can go where I want/need to, when I want/need to, in comfort, and with music even.
2. My kids' minds and bodies are healthy and whole.
3. Health insurance - we have great doctors (and nurses who know us!) who almost always can squeeze us in when we need them. We may have a co-pay & deductible, but it's small potatoes compared to a full bill.
4. 24-hour pharmacies.
5. Kind drivers who let me into their lane rather than gunning it to block me out.
6. Mr. Mullini standing in the freezing cold to direct drop-off traffic at our school, all week long! He always has a kind smile for every child who walks by.
7. A washer and dryer in my house - I don't have to tote my laundry to a laundromat, or scrounge quarters, or tote a 2-year old with me. I get to stay in the comfort of my house, and do dozens of other tasks just waiting on the beeps and buzzers that tell me its time to to rotate or fold!
8. The computer and internet. Yesterday and today I searched for recipes, worked on church projects, got in touch with family, paid bills, worked on our tax return, wrote in my journal, weighed in on a city council issue, correlated with my Primary presidency, and heard snippets from the lives of dozens of friends. All in a matter of hours, all from my nice comfy leather office chair in my living room. Crazy amazing when you take 2 steps back and remember this didn't exist not so long ago.
9. Ross Dress-4-Less. This is the only way I can keep my family dressed in good quality, durable clothes on a single income budget ($70 jeans for $13! wahoo!)
10. General Conference report. Love, love, love my conference report. Nothing lifts my spirits and my perspective faster.
11. My husband. He is patient, helpful, kind, observant, diligent, willing, funny, and full of hope and faith. These are the attributes of true love.
12. Warm beds and hot showers. It's been frigid all week.
That's it for now. There's much, much more - including some of the obvious answers - but this is what stuck with me today.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Jen the Goddess
I found out two days ago that one of my friends from Provo days passed away from a rare, aggressive form of neuroendocrine cancer. She lived only one month after her diagnosis. I haven't been in touch with Jen except for an email or two and a few brief "pings" on Facebook, since I was married in 1997. Her father sent out a group message on Facebook about Jen's passing. I was stunned, and so sad for her family to lose Jen at such a young age (Jen is a few years younger than me).
I found it baffling when we did connect, that Jen hadn't been snatched up and married. Every guy in our BYU ward would have fallen over themselves if she batted her lashed at them (a few of them did, when she did). We called her "Jen the Goddess" because she had the most amazing head of long, curly hair, and a dancer's figure - perhaps more importantly, Jen had a smile and a laugh that drew all ears and eyes to her. If she turned on the wattage, it was game over. She was truly spontaneous and vivacious - those words get thrown around alot, but they truly fit Jen. I think this was another reason the guys were drawn to her. She wasn't self-concious, so she was always truly enjoying herself and "all in" no matter what the outing entailed. She didn't worry, analyze, overthink, or fuss. Looking back, I think I wanted to be more like Jen because of those attributes, than because of her hair or her figure.
Jen came from a little more "money" than most of us, yet she was always generous. She had lots of clothes in her closet that still had tags on them, but she'd dress us up in them in a heartbeat for a special night out or a date. Jen was kind; I truly don't remember her ever being mean-spirited to anyone.
From what few connections we've had in the last 13 years, I've gathered that Jen remained single but went on to have a highly-successful career, making trails of friends with every office and city move she made. She was living in NYC when she passed; I imagine she wore that town out with her adventurous, life-embracing spirit and energy.
I am sorry that she is gone, but I know where she is. I am so glad that on Saturday in Fresno, her family is having a "Celebration of Jen's Life", rather than calling it a funeral (they are LDS). For truly, she lived a great one.
I found it baffling when we did connect, that Jen hadn't been snatched up and married. Every guy in our BYU ward would have fallen over themselves if she batted her lashed at them (a few of them did, when she did). We called her "Jen the Goddess" because she had the most amazing head of long, curly hair, and a dancer's figure - perhaps more importantly, Jen had a smile and a laugh that drew all ears and eyes to her. If she turned on the wattage, it was game over. She was truly spontaneous and vivacious - those words get thrown around alot, but they truly fit Jen. I think this was another reason the guys were drawn to her. She wasn't self-concious, so she was always truly enjoying herself and "all in" no matter what the outing entailed. She didn't worry, analyze, overthink, or fuss. Looking back, I think I wanted to be more like Jen because of those attributes, than because of her hair or her figure.
Jen came from a little more "money" than most of us, yet she was always generous. She had lots of clothes in her closet that still had tags on them, but she'd dress us up in them in a heartbeat for a special night out or a date. Jen was kind; I truly don't remember her ever being mean-spirited to anyone.
From what few connections we've had in the last 13 years, I've gathered that Jen remained single but went on to have a highly-successful career, making trails of friends with every office and city move she made. She was living in NYC when she passed; I imagine she wore that town out with her adventurous, life-embracing spirit and energy.
I am sorry that she is gone, but I know where she is. I am so glad that on Saturday in Fresno, her family is having a "Celebration of Jen's Life", rather than calling it a funeral (they are LDS). For truly, she lived a great one.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Oy vey!
We are Mormon, not Jewish, but this phrase is heard around our home all the time. It is a Yiddish exclamation of frustration or dismay, that literally means, "Oh, woe", but in our home it more closely aligns with "you've got to be kidding me". I don't know if Seinfeld could be to blame ...
Anyhoo, it quite captures the tenor of our home the last 3 months+, particularly since I was asked to serve in our stake Primary presidency. The pace hasn't been blistering, but it's a little nuts, even with me trying to avert my eyes from the Cub Scout elephant in the proverbial room. Three ward conferences, one new leader training, one general board training, 5 presidency meetings, one stake council ... and this has been during a period of relative downtime for my Scoutmaster husband. Every change brings with it a new normal, and we're still getting the hang of it.
Our 17-month old toddler Sabrina is no longer a walking baby, but a little girl, teeny pigtails and all. She is a charmer, with a curveball pout that she uses regularly to get her way and her wants. We adore her, in spite of some spectacularly cranky evening episdoes. She doesn't say many words yet: ca-ca (cookie), Da-da, ma-ma, ow-sy (outside), no (very well), and she will say ee-aw if you say donkey. She actually does a good little handful of animal sounds.
Emma was baptized in December. It was a lovely evening for us, spiritually. I wrote a big journal entry on it. Imagine that! Journalling instead of blogging :)
We are in the midst of special school projects: Emma was Abraham Lincoln in her 2nd grade presidential wax museum yesterday (they "come to life" when they are approached and tell about themselves). Harrison is doing a diorama for "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" Book 1, and no doubt science fair will follow shortly thereafter for both of them (joy!). And then, suddenly, the school year will be winding down, and we'll be eyeing our summer plans ... April and May always seem to fly. Whereas, January seems eternal sometimes.
I keep going to the gym. And going, and going. I work hard, and I'm always glad I went and pushed it. I will be 40 years old in just over 2 months. It doesn't freak me out; age never really has. But I'd like to be getting it together, rather than coming apart, for my 40th. A work in progress, still!
We got a Wii for Christmas; it is a novelty, and the only game system that I remotely approved of. The kids have been more apt to get their requisite chores done in order to have their turns on it after school. Still, overall, I'm not quite sure it lives up to the hype. I still wish that my kids' first instinct was to run out and play rather than run for the controllers. A different age, right?
Well, I need to get going on our taco salad dinner. Life is good - just a little exasperating and exhausting ... and overly chilly. I think I'm actually ready for spring this year.
Anyhoo, it quite captures the tenor of our home the last 3 months+, particularly since I was asked to serve in our stake Primary presidency. The pace hasn't been blistering, but it's a little nuts, even with me trying to avert my eyes from the Cub Scout elephant in the proverbial room. Three ward conferences, one new leader training, one general board training, 5 presidency meetings, one stake council ... and this has been during a period of relative downtime for my Scoutmaster husband. Every change brings with it a new normal, and we're still getting the hang of it.
Our 17-month old toddler Sabrina is no longer a walking baby, but a little girl, teeny pigtails and all. She is a charmer, with a curveball pout that she uses regularly to get her way and her wants. We adore her, in spite of some spectacularly cranky evening episdoes. She doesn't say many words yet: ca-ca (cookie), Da-da, ma-ma, ow-sy (outside), no (very well), and she will say ee-aw if you say donkey. She actually does a good little handful of animal sounds.
Emma was baptized in December. It was a lovely evening for us, spiritually. I wrote a big journal entry on it. Imagine that! Journalling instead of blogging :)
We are in the midst of special school projects: Emma was Abraham Lincoln in her 2nd grade presidential wax museum yesterday (they "come to life" when they are approached and tell about themselves). Harrison is doing a diorama for "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" Book 1, and no doubt science fair will follow shortly thereafter for both of them (joy!). And then, suddenly, the school year will be winding down, and we'll be eyeing our summer plans ... April and May always seem to fly. Whereas, January seems eternal sometimes.
I keep going to the gym. And going, and going. I work hard, and I'm always glad I went and pushed it. I will be 40 years old in just over 2 months. It doesn't freak me out; age never really has. But I'd like to be getting it together, rather than coming apart, for my 40th. A work in progress, still!
We got a Wii for Christmas; it is a novelty, and the only game system that I remotely approved of. The kids have been more apt to get their requisite chores done in order to have their turns on it after school. Still, overall, I'm not quite sure it lives up to the hype. I still wish that my kids' first instinct was to run out and play rather than run for the controllers. A different age, right?
Well, I need to get going on our taco salad dinner. Life is good - just a little exasperating and exhausting ... and overly chilly. I think I'm actually ready for spring this year.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sure. Why not?
This small simple phrase can get you into loads of trouble. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
On better, happier (and obviously, clearer) notes, we are on the cusp of fall. Not that we experience anything close to the much-envied crunchy piles of leaves, brisk evening air, blazing trees of color that I long for (sigh), but the holidays still come to Texas, even if it is our "second spring".
Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas ... October, November, December, my favorite months of the year. I am an anticipation junkie, so it is fun to have so much to look forward to, especially while the kids are young and so excited about it, too. The kids are pretty well decided on their costumes for this year.
I just finished reading "Catching Fire", the sequel to "The Hunger Games". Love, love, love these books.
And that's it for me for today. A few random thoughts. But I do random, oh so well.
On better, happier (and obviously, clearer) notes, we are on the cusp of fall. Not that we experience anything close to the much-envied crunchy piles of leaves, brisk evening air, blazing trees of color that I long for (sigh), but the holidays still come to Texas, even if it is our "second spring".
Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas ... October, November, December, my favorite months of the year. I am an anticipation junkie, so it is fun to have so much to look forward to, especially while the kids are young and so excited about it, too. The kids are pretty well decided on their costumes for this year.
I just finished reading "Catching Fire", the sequel to "The Hunger Games". Love, love, love these books.
And that's it for me for today. A few random thoughts. But I do random, oh so well.
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